Can I Borrow Your Weedwhacker? My Experience with Parent Engagement

The story of Mireille Louis, as told to Laurie

Born in Haiti, the youngest of eleven kids, my parents moved us to the United States (New Jersey) when I was 11 and we settled in Boston when I was 22. My story is harder than some, easier than others. I count my blessings every day. And I struggle every day.

My 11-year-old daughter attends a Boston Public School (BPS) called Young Achievers. While nothing goes smoothly at any school (more on that in a minute), I know that the teachers and school leaders want to engage us as parents; they realize that student success depends in large part on us.

I see both internal and external barriers that make it hard to involve parents. Rather than trying to figure out where to place the blame when children don’t succeed and parents can’t be as involved as they want to be, I would like to see us learn to garden together. I know that many families possess tools I don’t have in my home, and I have some tools I can offer to others.

The way I see it, children are the seeds we plant. They are the flowers of our city, often surviving through storms that threaten to uproot them. Their struggles, and the struggles of their families, are the weeds we have to remove together.

I’ve always seen myself as my daughter’s “teacher” and educational partner; it’s just how we think in Haiti. My parents did not know how to read very well, but they always stressed how important education was and they stayed on top of what we were doing. I remember my Dad going to each one of our schools and surprising us with a visit, both in Haiti and here in the U.S. He was always in contact with our teachers.

From the time my daughter was conceived, I read to her. As a single mom, even when I was tired from a long day of working a ten- or twelve-hour shift as a full-time assistant store manager, I read to her every morning and every evening. In the daytime, she stayed home with my elderly parents, who spoke to her in the only language they knew: Haitian Creole.

Once my daughter turned 3, I wanted her to be in a place where she could interact with other kids. I applied to Head Start, but they said they had to turn me down. I had just been laid off and my unemployment check put me a few dollars over the requirement.

I called back and pestered the Head Start director for something to help my child learn and grow. She suggested I check out “Smart from the Start” at Gallivan Community Center, where parents and children come together for playgroups. On the surface this seemed like it wasn’t sturdy enough for me; I wanted my daughter to be learning, not just playing! But it turned out to be much more.

At one of these “not so sturdy” weekly meetings, I admitted to the leader that I was overwhelmed. I felt awful about being unemployed, not contributing, even though I was taking care of my daughter and my parents, then in their late 80s, as well as many other family members who came over from Haiti.

They urged a group of us parents to sign up together with the Family Nurturing Center for a class once a week on how to take care of yourself as you take care of your child. It was free and they had babysitting and a meal for the parents and kids! From there I eventually went on to be a leader with other parents, to teach them to be advocates for their children, a kind of volunteer work I continued once my daughter entered BPS.

She was accepted into the METCO program for first grade (where children of color can attend high-achieving suburban schools). I could not afford a car any more, and since I wanted to be involved at my daughters’ school, I turned down the opportunity. This ended up being a good thing, since her BPS school, closer to home, has been good for her. At times, though, I have had to defend this decision not to send her to a suburban school with more resources, and I do worry that the class size for her upcoming grade won’t allow for enough individual attention. Sigh. I take it year by year.

What do I see as the barriers for parents, when it comes to being involved in our children’s education? For some immigrants (like me) and other minorities, it is hard, even if we understand and speak English, and especially if we don’t. I would like for more of us to share our stories, so others can understand what grows and what is wilting from the heat in our gardens – to see if we have shared values, experiences and worries. What are the biggest barriers?

I guess the biggest barrier for me in supporting my daughter has been income level, not necessarily the fact of being an immigrant. Unemployed now, and without a car, and the only caretaker of my elderly mom and my young daughter, I just haven’t been able to find work that allows me to get to the office AND to get to my family when they need me.

Also, I still sometimes catch myself thinking that because we are not from a wealthy family, maybe we don’t have the right to dream big. I find it very hard to ask for help, since the minute you open that door, with those words, “I need…” you worry the person is already thinking less of you. But for my daughter to go to summer camp or take part in any sort of extracurricular activity, I always have to ask if there is a sliding scale or a scholarship. It’s uncomfortable. But I want her to have the opportunities in order to keep up with her peers.

Parenting isn’t easy, is it? We have to be the sunshine and the necessary rain. We have to dig deeper than we ever thought we could. It is a huge help to have a school that really cares about their students’ home life and about welcoming parents there. It helps to remember that lower-income families face those internal struggles I mentioned, and that kids might be living in a very full house where controlling the amount of screen time or having a special place to do homework just aren’t options. Be careful not to judge us or pity us.

So I force myself to put on my educator’s hat. I listen to my daughter when she is reading a book, during her math homework, studying her geography on that little globe she bought with her birthday money, when she was three years old, because she wanted to know where Haiti is located. Now seven, she watches election debates with me, asks questions, then insists: “Mommy you need to go vote, and I’m coming with you.” She even says “I want to vote for who is going to give us students good schools.”

I want to hear from other parents when they do and don’t feel welcome and whether their school seems to stand up for ALL students. For me, parent involvement is about more than whether we are able to show up at a school meeting.

1) Parent engagement means making us feel welcome AT the school (from kindergarten all the way through high school).

2) It’s also whether a school helps us understand how to support our children’s learning at home.

3) Productive parent engagement is also more likely to happen if we moms and dads and care providers have been involved in our kid’s “education” at their pre-school or childcare program, so we realize even before entering BPS that it’s our role (and our right) to be a partner.

What does this look like at my school?

• My school’s open door policy welcomes me to visit at any time (although I usually call ahead).

• Every summer the next teacher my daughter will have in September visits us in our home. Why can’t that happen at more schools?

• Everyone in the school talks about all kids as scholars and owners of the school day. I can tell my child is respected there. Is this true for other schools?

• The school offers classes for parents on how to read to our children, on child behavior, family nutrition and financial literacy. When they do, they provide food and childcare and try to help us arrange car-pooling. I don’t have a car and I wish transportation could be provided.

• They take parent-teacher conferences seriously. The teacher listens to my concerns, letting me take as long as I need with my questions. Then the teacher follows up with me 1-2 weeks later with a text message to see how things are going at home. I love that. It’s free. Why don’t more places do this?

• They try and try and try again to encourage parents to come to meetings. (At first I was intimated by the term parent COUNCIL, thinking it was too much responsibility.)

So listen … Every child deserves to think, “I’m the little president. I’m the little CEO. I’m the little entrepreneur, the philanthropist. I want to be the one who finds the cures for all the diseases. I’m on my way!”

Boston has a new Mayor, Massachusetts is about to elect a new Governor, and before long, we will be thinking about a new President. How will our elected and appointed officials inspire parents, teachers and school leaders to work for the benefit of ALL the city’s children? I need all the help I can get, more than I want to let on. I don’t expect leaders to do it for me, but with me. I can bring a bucket full of tenacity and creativity for how to solve problems at the school. I can promise not to complain about something unless I am willing to put on my gardening gloves and be part of fertilizing the soil. Might you pull out your weed whacker – can you require that tutoring and afterschool and summer programs be more open about having a sliding scale or provide more scholarships? Can you tell us parents which programs have good quality?

And other parents: would you share your own experiences, good and bad? Tell me what tools you bring when you show up in this community garden.